Sage Margaritas and an Epiphany

After almost a year of frustration with the online dating thing, I realized today as I was lying on my massage therapist’s table that the Universe has been looking out for me all along. I was just too lost in myself to notice.

And now the backstory…

Bits of enlightenment have been coming from a number of unlikely directions this week beginning with a conversation with a friend who brought to my attention that I never mention the word “relationship” without the word “trap” following shortly behind. He’s absolutely right.

Then there were the latest meetings. I moved my meetings from the Teahouse to the Secreto Bar this week because I needed a change of scenery and I decided alcohol couldn’t possibly hurt. So it was over sage margaritas that I finally really understood where my boundaries are and what I’m looking for. And it isn’t at all what I thought I was looking for when I posted my profile in January. An innocent question about the fact that I don’t cook was the trigger.

I jokingly said to someone recently that I’m looking for an independent, creative, childless, Buddhist cowboy, in his mid- to late-forties, who is into art, travel, and yoga. Maybe behind every joke there’s a grain of truth because I guess that really is what I’m looking for. I like eccentric. And quirky. And intense. I need that energy to bounce off of. And to be honest, I thought that would be really easy to find here in Santa Fe. But all of the men I’ve met are so very "settled". And I'm seeing that reflected in most of the profiles I’ve read also. 

As much as I hate to admit it, I’m looking for the male version of me, knowing that those types of relationships will always have their challenges. And maybe that’s the point. I need the challenge.